Moonside (summonillusion) wrote in xdream_worldx,

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Some disturbing dreams...

People for some reason don't like to talk about those types of dreams. Personally, I've had some fairly disturbing ones...bad dreams usually came in the surge of bad years, but I do recall back somewhere between 5-10 (probably 8) I had for at least a year, consecutively. That was a real pain...for some reason the whole halloween monsters around the house out to kill me really clicked in during that time, and there was a lot of doom cases being found hiding in the closet. Probably during 10-12 was the worse years home life became periodically worse, and there was a lot of physical and mental fights. There was a lot of sad dreams...a lot of them had to do with death for some I recall a lot of cases which my mother, sister and myself ran away from something, there was a lot of assasination type of thing, and usually the frequent and worst situation was separation...there was a specific dream I partially recall where it was like that, and it looked somewhat like the future, although it's probably the easiest to compare to something like Tokyo night illuminated in red. There was a lot of negative views on technology, with all the computers being used in the dark with complicated symbols glowing in neon green.

That really wasn't disturbing, though. The disturbing cases was probably the hatred I had towards my father during this time. Maybe it was the physical punishments and restrictions, but these dreams always involved death. There was a common situation where I was running away from my dad who obviously had an express and intention to kill me, and while running away from him through the house, turning tables, chairs and such (when it got to the kitchen, which looks ironically more like the house we live in now than the one we did back then), and then it always had to eventually reach a dead end. When this happened, out of desperation I'd grab a chair and hit my dad over the head with a chair. Unfortunately since every time he would get up again with the exact same expression this would continue until he was dead (or unconcious, now that I think of it, but whatever way, in those dreams he was probably dead). Then I'd cry after that. Those dreams always seemed to have a theme of "helplessness" in them.

Dreams have a way of emotionally effecting you though, don't they? Like after a bad dream I always end up going to my sister's room and hugging for a while.

There was a colorful variety as well, some of them stranger than there was one which I got my head chopped off, but I was watching it from a third-person perspective. Isn't that weird, when you don't realize that you're not even seeing the world from yourself in a dream?

Probably one of the more recent disturbing dream was a specific one which a tall creature covered with a dark-colored robe could only be seen inside as darkness with vertically lined rows of sharp teach portruding. Mind you, they were sharp, shined like metal, and were at least a head's length. The more disturbing aspect was that when I first woke up, I was so tired (from a lack of sleep) I fell asleep without realizing, and in my dream I was still in the same room. This was really, really scary when a rabid monster suddenly out of nowhere glomped me and started vibrating and saying "how can I help you?". Then I really did wake up after that, but probably what was scary was that it really did seem like real, so for the next hour I walked very slowly checking for monsters behind the door.

...which is something until about a year ago or so I've done more as a habit or anything. For some reason, I have this natural assumption that there's some random people out there to kill me, so I always check all parts of a room before fully entering it. This didn't go very far, usually it was only a check for someone behind the door and in darker areas. The superstition also was fueled by a strong conviction that there are ghosts in this world and there are several living in the house. Fortunately, I also believed that they were simply lonely and relatively harmless, so it didn't do much emotional damage.

Around 11 though, I started abusing dreams somewhat as a form of entertainment. I recall one specific time when I was little (somewhere under 10) which was for some reason, in the kitchen when we were eating macaroni cheese (don't ask why). Anyway, while in there I realized for some reason that I'm asleep, and I needed to wake up from the dream. So, I tried to open my eyes in the dream...for some reason, I still didn't wake up, then for some reason realized that my eyes in my dreams were stationed lower, and I moved my hands to somewhere around my forehead and opened up my eyes there. I actually did wake up in result, and physically, I did open my eyes with my hands. Something about the amount of self-control there was from dreams is still somewhat disturbing to me.

Anyway, back to abusing dreams. What occured at times was that frequently, I'd realize to some extent that I was dreaming. For some reason, sometimes it still didn't click in that I could control to some extent my dream, or for some reason I still treated it as real life. Probably the most common way I abused it was sexually. What's sort of funny is during this time I still considered myself straight even though obviously everything contradicted that. Anyway, since all of my wet dreams involved guys, it's sort of obvious (although of course I wouldn't admit it to the point which I would consider the idea ridiculous). Denial really is powerful. I've always had trouble with controlling dreams though, it always doesn't seem to go right. Usually the most frusterating case was when I tried uh, having fun in a dream things seemed to never go right. Like people melted or in worse cases mutated, or something else wrong happened. Like as soon as it starts getting good I'd sort of start feeling airheaded and I'd float around and the whole area would be engulfed in light, and usually I wake up.

...I always get pissed off when that happens.

I think the reason why it happens though, is because your brain can't create a scene in a dream on its own. What I mean is that it can only to some extent recreate something, so unless you've at least partially experienced it somewhat (or you're knowledgable) would it happen in a dream. For example, most (if not all) people wake up when they're killed in a dream.

Probably the worst dream period I've had though, is last year. About 2 years ago, my closest friend at the time committed suicide, and that really did knock things offcourse. Probably because I developed an obsession with suicide and such, my dreams pretty much revolved around the exact same type of theme. Which was pretty morbid, everything in it was based on death or past (like things that's already happened) coming back in the worst cases. Some of them were after death, others before death, some cases he actually died IN the dream. Oh, mind you, I wasn't in love with him, we were best friends. But during that period I had very few close friends so I suppose that's why the damage was so great.

Oh yeah, there was one specific strange dream I recall. It was in a world where everyone was confined into groups called 'mansions' which operated like a country. Basically, all the the normal outdoor facilities were simulated in these gigantic buildings. So there'd be things like football stadiums right inside the mansion. I do remember specifically going up to one of the higher floors to find much better conditions that looked like the outdoors on a peaceful day, and the people actually lived in regular-looking houses. Of course, as expected all the people I knew lived in the slums area of the mansion, although technically it was a school. There was a lot of physical pains like being beaten for when you don't do things correctly, but a lot of the great part was staying up late and talking with a group of friends. Oh, this reminds me of something. I seem to always think I'm white or something, since by default all the people in my dreams are white. Maybe it's just where I grew up. But then again, there's a lot of asians around as well. 'except I can't relate to the stereotypical asian as well. Anyway, back to the dream. It ended with something about this lady called Medusa and she was tricking everyone into some sort of plan of hers that made her leader. The dramatic end was with the lights shimmering from her with everyone's arms up high. I forget why, but something about this dream was really, really sad when I woke up. Maybe everyone died.

Wait a minute. There's something very strange with dreams. Why is it that some dreams seem to last for at least a week within the dream? You sleep for 1/3rd of a day. So has is a play of 2 weeks packed into something like that? Is it that time skips and you don't realize? Or is it that in the dream state the mind can use the time much more efficiently? Why is that?

Sometimes I wonder if it's better or worse if we could control dreams. The plays are fascinating but then on the other hand you could do anything you wanted to in a dream (good food, places you've wanted to go, fame, lust...). Then again, people would probably get lost in dreams like they do with video games.

and then again, some people don't dream at all.
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